maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
