I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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