My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
