we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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