We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
