ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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