Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
