sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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