i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
