Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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