Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
