My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
