i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
