She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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