ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
