Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
