she looked like the before picture.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
