god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
