im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
