i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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