if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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