If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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