i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
