I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
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