He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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