goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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