If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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