shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
