Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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