I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
