Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
