Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
