It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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