So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
They have beer where we have blood.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
