she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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