So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
