Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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