actually, I'm a sock model
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
