Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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