I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
