I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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