I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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