Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
