If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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