We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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