Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
