saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize