I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
