Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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