I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
