I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
