How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
3 2 1 whiskey
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
