She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
