At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
