His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
