Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
