Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
