I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
