I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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