What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
