There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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