If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
