Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I stole a fireplace last night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
