I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
